Our little Ali has been sick for the last couple days. Well, honestly we've all been passing around some illness or other since January. It's not been a fun time in the Deckard household lately, especially for the kids with runny noses, coughs, and aches. But just when we had finally gotten everybody healthy and thought we were in the clear...BOOM! Ali came down with a fever that left her burning to the touch, listless, and miserable for about 23 hours of the day. She can't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time without waking up crying. She spent all day today in her mother's arms, except when she was in her daddy's. Her exhausted eyes told the whole story. She was hot, hurting, and totally out of energy.
Most everybody who's been a parent has had to deal with these days. What do you do with a 1-year old who is that sick? There's nothing much you can do. You can't explain it to her. You can't force her to do this thing or that. All you can do is look at her with compassion, hold her, rock her a little bit, and let her know that you're there and you love her. You just keep doing that all day long until the fever goes away.
As we were engaged in this process it occurred to me that this lesson was applicable to more than sick kids. People we care about get in all kinds of trouble: physical illness, emotional distress, relationship difficulties, struggles at work or with their kids, crises of faith...you name it. We want to help. If we share a bond of faith as well as friendship the urge to help becomes stronger. Suddenly we feel the pressure of speaking God's words along with our own.
Oddly enough, the times we're most keenly aware of the need for God in the conversation are the times we're most likely to go astray. We associate God with wisdom, with knowing the right thing to say, with fixing the problem. When someone shares their difficulty with us our mind starts spinning. "What should I say? Where are the perfect words? Should I quote scripture? What would fix this?" Instead of being present with the person talking to us we turn inward and panic, retreating into the fear of inadequacy. Far too often we end up either silent or blurting out some truism that even we know doesn't make sense.
We'd be better off thinking of what God would do in these situations rather than trying to think what God would say. God's response when we suffer isn't that much different than a parent's response to their sick child. There's no explaining. You can't reason it away. You can't fix it. All you do is hold them, rock them, let them know you're there and will continue to be there as long as anything bothers them.
Reassurance is 100% better than answers in these situations. We don't have the right answer, really. Most of the time there isn't one. But we always have comfort and company to give.
Jesus preached often in his ministry. But most of the time when confronted with a person in distress he didn't talk, he healed. Only after the healing was accomplished did an explanation come. We might not have the instant healing power Jesus did, but our acts of comfort and compassion provide stability for our friends and neighbors as they walk their journey of healing, just as holding onto Ali gives her strength while she fights her fever.
Next time someone comes to you in distress, resist the temptation to solve their problem or speak instant wisdom, even Biblical wisdom. Act in Biblical fashion instead. Offer a listening ear, lots of company, reassurance that you care. Those healing actions will get you and your friends farther than anything you could say.
--Pastor Dave (pastordave@geneseelutheranparish.org)
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