Anger

This question comes via e-mail:

Pastor Dave,
I know we're suppose to be good and loving to people but sometimes I get angry and I can't help it.  Some people do things that make loving them near impossible.  I don't know what to do about that anger.

It's a great question.  The first step in addressing it is realizing that anger isn't bad!  The Bible tells us that we have frustrated and angered God plenty of times.  Entire books of scripture are devoted to that theme.  As long as there's sin in the world, anger must exist.  Otherwise we'd just be addressing all the world's injustices with, "Oh...that's nice!"  God does not call us to respond that way.

The keys here are identifying the cause of anger and asking on whose behalf you are angry...what purpose it serves.  My general rule is this:  If it's a personal issue between you and me, I won't hold onto my anger.  If I'm the only one being hurt here, I'm bigger and stronger than anything someone else can do to me.  If it's just you and me, I'll forgive you and let the anger go.  We'll both feel better that way.  But if the behavior that's making me angry is hurting someone else, I will not let it go as easily.  At that point I'm not standing up for my feelings or rights, but someone else's.  I don't know if anger is completely justified in those situations, but at least it's going to good use:  protecting someone else.

I've had people say terrible things to me in the course of ministry, make accusations that couldn't be farther from the truth, try to find my weak points and batter at them until I give in to what they want.  I've been called names.  I've been threatened.  I've let all of that pass.  Most of it has happened behind closed doors.  Who was really hut besides me, and I'll forgive that.

I've also heard people make statements publicly...statements that amount to, "I don't care about any of you"...statements supposedly made in the name of God, assuredly made in his house to his children.  I've seen people try to back up those statements with actions, mostly unfair, certainly hurtful.  That's made me angry, and rightfully so.  I continue to be angry with some people to this day, and again I think that's justified.  But I'm not angry because of what they did to me, but what they did to God's children in his name.

We should be angry about things that unfairly hurt other people.  We should be angry when people practice the tyranny of, "I want what I want and who cares about you" in all its forms:  economic, racial, societal, religious, and interpersonal.  When that happens, it's time to step in and claim that justice is an extension of love and that nobody has a right to claim supremacy at the expense of another...at least not if they're going to factor God into the equation.  It's OK to express anger at wrongdoing and to take the actions necessary to address that wrongdoing.

The answer to your question, then, becomes another question.  On whose behalf are you angry?  Is there a greater cause or reason behind the feeling of anger or is it mostly personal?  You always have a right to the latter, but it's also something you'll have to overcome eventually.  With the former, though, overcoming it may be the wrong thing to do.  Maybe it needs to be explored and acted upon.

Few situations are clearly one or the other.  Usually they're a mix.  That's why it's up to each of us to examine our anger, hold on to the parts that are righteous, and ask forgiveness for--and help in getting over--the parts that are petty.  Having had a fair amount of experience with this, pastors are often good people to see as you sort through these issues.  My door is always open.

--Pastor Dave (pastordave@geneseelutheranparish.org)