You shall not commit adultery.
What does this mean? We are to fear and love God that we may lead a chaste and decent life in words and deeds, and each love and honor his spouse.
Simple enough, right? Could be, actually. But maybe not. It depends. Click through to read more.
Over the years this commandment has been interpreted along a spectrum. One of the issues I found in researching it was that different translations of Luther's Small Catechism came up with different wording for his explanation of this commandment even when the explanations of the others remained fairly constant. Apparently these issues are a sticking point for us!
The narrower end of the spectrum confines this commandment to sexual acts between a married couple. One translation had "chaste" as "sexually pure", for instance. There's nothing wrong with this really. It makes things easy. If a married person engages in a sexual act outside of their marital covenant they have committed adultery. Badda-bing, badda-boom, done.
If we're going to go this route, however, we have to acknowledge that this commandment says nothing about things that we've traditionally stretched it to mean. It does not cover single people, no matter what they do or don't do. It says nothing about sex before marriage, for instance. Being married is actually a disadvantage when it comes to this commandment! But there it is. If you're married, sleep only with your spouse...period, end of story.
The problem with this approach, besides its seeming incompleteness, is that Jesus himself said the word "adultery" covered more than that. In his famous answer to the question about divorce in the Gospel of Mark Jesus said that if a man divorces his wife and she remarries (an innocent enough act on her part) he causes her to commit adultery (a guilty verdict). By the narrow letter of the law this would not hold true. Her first marriage was ended by her husband. Her second marriage is proper and legally binding. She's a victim of her first husband's whim and absolutely kosher in her relationship with the new husband. Where is the sin?
In order to make this work we need a new definition for adultery. This appears to be what Luther is getting at with "chaste and decent" and "words and deeds". Adultery covers more than just physical acts for married people. Adultery is gratifying your body or its desires in ways that run contrary to the plan God has in mind for you or your relationships with others. Anything you do that breaks that contract of goodness between you and God and/or you and your neighbor becomes adultery.
The narrow definition of sexual interaction outside your marriage certainly falls under this umbrella. It's one of the prime and most painful examples, in fact. You break a promise, let down people who depend on you, couple intimacy with shame...all to gratify yourself. But this isn't the only way adultery is possible.
With better communication methods and more time spent away from family our modern society has given birth to the idea of the "emotional affair". This kind of fling doesn't start with, nor always lead to, physical intercourse but it can be just as damaging. Energy, time, effort, and support that are supposed to be given to your spouse and family are instead spent on a titillating escape with a friend, acquaintance, co-worker. You're always e-mailing and texting, finding reasons to spend time together, maybe eating and drinking and socializing...all the things married couples do besides the actual sex. Many spouses who have discovered their partners having affairs say that the physical part is the least of it...the emotional connection between their spouse and someone else--and corresponding disconnection between their spouse and them--cause the enduring pain. This is surely adultery.
Matthew, Chapter 5 has Jesus proclaiming that any man who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her. Attention every heterosexual man on the planet: Busted! Don't even try to wiggle your way out of that one. There's a reason that the only solution Jesus offers is to pluck out your eyeballs.
A seminary professor of mine tells the story of his wife confronting him early in his ministry with the accusation, "You have a mistress!" He stood in shock, not believing what he was hearing. She continued, "Oh, I know there's no other woman, but your church is your other wife and she's getting more time and attention than your real one." He started counting the number of hours and evenings he was spending at work, how much energy and passion he was pouring into his ministry, how much of his identity was based upon being a "good pastor" instead of a husband. He realized that she was right. He was committing adultery. Not only was there no sex involved, there wasn't even another person!
The very first Lutheran pastor I knew was a portly man. He loved his meals. One day we were in his office discussing this commandment and he said, "I commit adultery of a sort every time I eat a heaping plate of lasagna. Look at me! God intended my body for good health. I'm sure not there but I can't seem to help myself around pasta!" I understand now what he meant. I, myself, have been having a lingering affair with a particularly good batch of fudge throughout the Christmas season. It may seem silly, but when you compare the delicious anticipation, the guilty moment of stolen pleasure, the subsequent uncontrollable urges, and the inevitable guilt (and effect on the body) afterwards, it's not that different than a sexual tryst, is it? Lest you worry about my marriage, my wife has been seeing a bag of Lindor Truffles. I was foolish enough to introduce the two! Fortunately Careen and I have agreed to look the other way on our mutual indiscretions, at least for now.
In Matthew, Chapter 5 (there it is again!) Jesus tells his followers not to give oaths but "let their yes be yes and their no be no". One wonders, then, are the promises between man and wife the only words covered by this commandment or are they merely the first and most obvious of many? If I give my word to you and then break it, particularly if I break it because it's advantageous to me to do so, have I not misused my words and actions? In an ideal life we wouldn't pick and choose some people as being better or more important to us than others. Every promise would be kept with the same diligence that our marital vows are. When we fail to do this, we commit adultery as well.
This commandment doesn't just talk about sex and marriage. It covers all of us, all the things we promise and do. Our words and deeds are meant to bring goodness into the world, to be consistent and faithful and yes...even pure. Whether we're watching TV, munching at McDonald's, or figuring out an excuse to get out of a commitment, we're constantly in danger of breaking the law. I suspect we succumb more often than not.
The question for this week: How well do your words and actions line up with...
A. Goodness and good physical/spiritual/emotional health? And...
B. The commitments and promises you've made, overtly and implied, to those God has entrusted to you?
Do you carry mindsets and/or practice habits that cost you health and betray your commitments so that you can feel better about yourself? Do you sacrifice long-term stability and goodness to get a short-term rush? What would your spouse, family, your friends and neighbors say about you in terms of your pursuit of goodness, health, and caring relationships? Even if there's no "whom", with what are you tempted to have an affair: food, work, general busy-ness, television, alcohol, self-image, lack of self-image, caffeine, the internet, parental authority, riches, sports, [insert your own here]? What are these temptations costing you and the people around you? Food for thought.
Now excuse me while I go throw out the rest of that fudge.
--Pastor Dave (pastordave@geneseelutheranparish.org)
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