More Love: Working With Youth and Children

When talking yesterday about love being the basis of Godly authority, it struck me that this is also the core of having authority with (and occasionally over) children and youth when working with them in a church setting.  Everybody who works with young folks says, "I love kids!"  Does that verb take an active or passive role, though?  Is "love" just a sentimentality towards children in general...loving kids the way we love azure drapes or a fine red wine?  Is "I love kids!" mostly about our internal feelings?  Or does "love" take the form of outward action:  time spent, energy devoted, stories listened to, hugs given, games played, roads walked, mistakes endured, accomplishments praised?

Most children and youth have pretty good barometers.  They know when your work is all about yourself.  They know when your work is all about them too.  They know the difference between loving them as decorations and loving them in truth.  Generally they have little time for the former but crave the latter.

Working with and understanding God's younger children isn't rocket science.  You just have to love them in the real sense.  Your service to them shows the truth about you and your God.

Your service to them also communicates that they're worth that service, that you believe your time and energy are well-spent with them.  That's a powerful testimony.  For the most part I've found that if you invest your best in young folks they will absorb that and reflect it back.  If you expect to see something in them worth investing in you will find it.  They'll show it to you themselves.  If you walk in suspecting or not trusting in their worth then they'll hide anything of worth from you.  In a way, it's the ultimate act of faith.  You can't force a relationship.  You can't predict how the relationship will go.  Often you don't even know what the kids will say or do next.  You just believe something good is there and express that belief through word and action.  99 times out of 100 it will turn out to be true.  Both you and the kids will be better off for having found it.

It's important to remember this because I've worked with plenty of folks, both in my churches and advising other youth groups, who tried to start their relationship with children and youth somewhere outside of love or trust.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard things like:

• "We can't let them bring their friends because we'll have too many kids.  This event is only for people of this church."
• "Just make the youth clean up the lot.  They need something to do anyway."
• "You have to watch them and keep them in line.  Otherwise they'll take everything you brought right away."
• "We need to get these kids fund-raising for their activities.  They can't just have a free ride around here."

It's almost like people plan in order to keep anything bad from happening instead of going in looking for good to happen.  Ironically, when you approach in fear of the bad that's exactly what you get in this kind of ministry.  Only by trusting in the good--saying, "Let the kids come and let's do something amazing with them that'll be great for all of us"--do you experience the good in the ministry and in them.  Every once in a while one of them will knock you for a loop and you have to spend some time processing through awkward or bad things.  But those moments pale both in comparison and number to the good times and amazing experiences that grow from the love shared between you in God's name.

--Pastor Dave (pastordave@geneseelutheranparish.org)