Yesterday we introduced our new Vision for the future direction of our church: converting the church parsonage into a youth/Sunday School/counseling center. We addressed some of the "why's" of that vision by discussing the nature of, and theology behind, our youth program...the things that make it work. Hopefully by reading that you understand the difference between the kids having a home and just having a place among us.
At least half the youth gatherings currently happen in the parsonage anyway. It's more or less a necessity. Part of that is psychological. The same events that seem so natural sitting on a couch in a furnished house and an appropriately-sized room seem weird when held in a more clinical, less-comfortably-furnished, inappropriately-sized place. The Fellowship Hall is too big for the things we do, the back basement rooms too dark and small. Metal chairs are the only seating option in either, quite uncomfortable if you're spending more than a couple hours on an event. Practicality rears its head too. For example, you can't watch a movie in any of the church rooms. There's no sight lines in the hall, no space in the back rooms. Plus there's no equipment to show the Blu-Rays on which we have most of our movies and no speakers for sound. The parsonage has all of these things plus chairs, couches, a comfortable environment. It already feels like home in a way the church rooms never could.
Another quick example: you should have seen the kids beam when some of the ladies of the church got them their own fridge for pop. It was the first space that they could call their own. They couldn't believe how lucky they were and you wouldn't believe how much easier it is for them to grab pops now than it was when the soda sat on somebody else's counter or in somebody else's fridge. Even that much of a home--one appliance--made a huge difference.
For all these reasons and more, if an event is going to last more than a couple hours, if it requires any kind of technology, or if it's any smaller than a dozen people we just hold it in the parsonage.
The next natural question: OK, so that's worked so far. Why change now?
It has worked so far but we need to consider two important things:
1. At whose expense has it worked?
2. Will it continue to work?
The simple answers: at the expense of me and my family and, for various reasons, no it won't.
The first reason it won't work is a happy one. We're experiencing the same "problem" we had a few years ago. We're starting to have too many events and too many kids to contain in my house. People are feeling welcome. They're inviting friends. Those friends are discovering our church and inviting more friends. On New Year's Eve, through simple word of mouth, we had 19 people show up for a couple of movies. 10 sat on our couch, 3-4 more in chairs behind the couch, another bunch sprawled out on the floor.
This is great, but realistically my house can't accommodate that many people while remaining my house. We have too many things in the way, not enough seats, etc. In practical terms that leaves me choosing between kids, deciding who to notify about events and who to not mention them to.
To be clear, we never turn anybody away. That's a firm rule of mine. Anybody who comes can stay. But that also means that I can't broadcast certain events very widely otherwise we'll be overrun. Usually how it works is somebody will text me and ask if I have time to do something on a given day. I'll say, "Yes" and tell them about how many friends they can invite. I know, then, that I can't let anybody else know.
Obviously this is not ideal as far as youth evangelism. The people who text me most often get to come most often. Those slower on the draw get left out. Since I get texted quite often and my calendar fills quickly I seldom get to make it up to those who are left out. Not having a dedicated youth space is causing us to pick and choose who we'll serve instead of being able to take all comers. It's limiting the effectiveness and growth of this ministry.
The second reason the current system won't work anymore is my family. Before Derek came along this was easy. Careen would just join in on the activity or curl up somewhere with a book while the youth and I hung out. When Derek was a baby it wasn't so bad either, as all he needed to be happy was mom close by. Now Derek is 5 and Ali is 2. They need their space. They need their house. Ali sleeps four feet away from where we watch movies at night. Careen is just down the hall and hears youth having fun at midnight when she has to get up early with the kids. If I want to have an event in the daytime I have to ask my family to leave the house in order to make it work, as the kids can't be underfoot nor can we just lock them in their rooms for four hours. I've made this request multiple times. How many times can that happen before it starts being unfair?
I'm starting to have to reject youth events for this reason. For example, last year we had a very successful movie and dinner night for High School youth. It was fantastic and well-attended. We wanted to start it again this year, to build on that success. But I couldn't do it. I sat down and looked at having Careen and the kids leave the house every second Sunday and I finally decided I had to draw the line. So we're not doing it. The sad part is, that event was drawing kids we don't always see at the other events. But what can I do?
This may sound self-serving but I think I've earned the right to say it. For years I've sacrificed and done, by most accounts, an amazing job ministering with these kids. There's been no mystery to it. I've given them the time, energy, and space that they needed to flourish and enjoy themselves among us. But this has been on the backs of me and my family. We have been paying for this vital ministry. We've shown it can be done. We've demonstrated why it's not only good, but indispensable to our church. How long do we have to keep paying the price to show that to everybody else?
At a certain point the church has to decide whether it thinks this ministry is vital enough to support. If the answer is "no", then I've been wasting my time with this (at least from a church perspective) and I need to stop doing it. But if the answer is "yes" it's time to throw our support behind this ministry...for everybody to throw in some support for it. I'm eager and willing to continue growing the ministry and working with the youth of our town but I can't keep doing it without the right tools and space. And I can't keep making my family pay--not just financially but by sacrificing their home--for something the whole church should be supporting.
We haven't even talked about the Sunday School and counseling aspects of this Vision. We will do that next time when we lay out the floor plan and what the final product would probably look like. And you should get excited about that, because it is way...cool.
As always, feel free to ask questions and make comments in the comment section below or via e-mail.
--Pastor Dave (pastordave@geneseelutheranparish.org)
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