Is there any advice that you have as to where or how I should go about trying to get back involved in church? I am not picky as to a certain kind of church as I believe they all have very good aspects to them, just looking for one that me and my family can feel like more of part of that community.Several thoughts come to mind, all of which revolve around finding a community that will allow you to explore God and will be a great place for your family to engage.
1. You're correct in avoiding assumptions that a particular denomination will answer your needs. Denominational affiliation is weaker in this era than it's ever been. You'll find a variety of church communities within any denomination. The only thing to be wary of is that some denominations encourage their congregations to act/believe in ways we're going to suggest you avoid. In general you can't tell by the label alone anymore. You have to worship with people of a community before you can tell what the community is about.
2. Initial impressions tell. Once you get over the natural fear of stepping into a new place you usually get a sense of how the congregation is reacting to you. Ignoring you completely is a bad sign. But there's also the kind of "friendly" that feels like salesmanship. Both make you into a commodity. If your gut says you're welcome here and you also observe people having a fun and faithful time, that's a good sign.
3. Listen hard to the sermon and the prayers. The theology comes out here. Beware churches that make their own members feel good at the expense of people outside of their walls. That's cheap and incorrect interpretation of scripture. You'll soon find that if you don't agree with everything they say you'll become the target of their theology, sacrificed to make them feel better. Listen hard to see if they put up any walls between themselves and others. Scripture tells us that when we put up walls in God's name to disadvantage our brothers and sisters, God always hops over that wall to get on their side instead of ours. All we're left with is that smug feeling...a poor substitute for Christ.
In general sermons should be advocating for something, not railing against something. On the occasions when a preacher speaks against a wrong, you should get the sense that he's talking about the wrong in his own congregation to better prepare them to serve the world, not talking about the wrong in the world to make his congregation feel better about themselves.
4. One of the surest indicators that the theology has gone awry is an over-emphasis on your choices leading to salvation. Not only is that scriptural inaccuracy, it inevitably sets up the theology we just described. Everything depends on your choices, some make better choices than others, some get into heaven and some don't. What's our job here? Not serving God but making choices to advantage ourselves, then judging everybody else by the choices they're making. Self-centered judging is not the sign of a healthy church.
5. As you get to know a community, watch to see who participates in key ministries and how. Do the same people do everything? Is everything the same flavor all the time (same music, same programs, same Bible Studies)? Vibrant churches don't think they know the right way to do everything. They explore different ways to share gifts and express God. You should be challenged and stretched by worship and other ministries.
Maybe it's my bias, but I'm suspicious of churches where professionals do everything. I've seen some wonderful praise bands, for instance, but when those praise bands do all the music and you never see normal folks sharing music I wonder what people are really learning. Sure the music is great every time, but great music isn't a goal unto itself. I'd rather see a 14-year-old up there stumbling through her first guitar piece on occasion than have the most polished, slickest-looking church show in town. Watch how "regular folks" in the congregation serve. That'll show you how much room there will be for you.
6. Look for ways a church does public mission in the community/world. Are any visible? If so, are they just paying other people to do it by proxy or are they also engaged personally in their own community serving local needs? Could you see yourself being part of one of those projects or even creating one of your own? Do you know a need that church could help with and do the people there seem eager and willing to do so?
7. Traditional churches create positions and then look for people to fill them, as if the position defined goodness and members were cookie-cutter pieces to be plugged in. Living churches ask what gifts their members have and then design ministries around them. Do you play trombone really well? Then trombone should eventually get woven into the life of the church. Can you lay bricks, cook, tap dance? What's your passion? When you find a church that recognizes those things as gifts from God and then follows you into new ministry expressions because of them, you've found a home.
8. Listen to how church members speak about the church itself. Do they define it by building and tradition alone or is it a living, breathing, evolving community? Bad churches focus everything inward. We all serve the church, we support the church, we preserve the church, we do for the church, we reach out and try to get more members into the church...it's all self-centered except they've replaced the "church" self for the individual self. Amazing churches focus outward. The church serves others, supports others, uplifts others, does for others. The goal isn't getting more members in, but getting church members out into the world to share the Good News and love that they experience when they gather each Sunday.
People haven't been taught to do church well. So many churches assume that their own existence is the paramount goal...that they're doing God's work just because they exist. Others assume that church is about effective performance and technical perfection instead of participatory community...the show becomes bigger than life and thus overwhelms it. In each case the congregation will be willing to sacrifice its neighbors, and eventually you, in order to achieve their goals.
Great churches aren't out to preserve themselves, but to give up their lives for others as Christ asked his disciples to do. They're critical in their self-examination, gracious towards everybody else. They gather in joy and genuine welcome. They explore the length and breadth of scripture, not just the message that's convenient for their purposes. They consider the God's Word an opportunity for exploration, not a method of indoctrination. They're never satisfied that they've got it right or understand it and they're always reaching out for more to learn. They understand that they fall short of God's ideal, which is the reason Christ saved them in the first place. They're open about their own shortcomings and don't let the divisions they cause get in the way of serving others. They share love and peace, holding them as the truest expressions of God...not just talking about them but bringing them to life in everything they do.
Communities like this are out there. You'll also find plenty of church communities who want to be like this but find themselves stuck or astray...communities that your brand new voice might help. Don't just walk into a church asking what it's going to do for you, also ask what you can do for these people.
If you look, you'll find a place to call home. Blessings as you seek it.
--Pastor Dave (pastordave@geneseelutheranparish.org)
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