Dave,
I try to show kindness and support to all (ok, most). BUT, to completely love your neighbor requires time and priority. Surface love…smile at the grocery store; patience while an older person writes a check, letting another driver go first, etc. can be done instantly but is really just a surface type of caring. To deeply love you need time to develop a relationship where love can be shown. You can’t possibly “deeply” show love to everyone. How do you prioritize? A little bit to everyone leaves those closest feeling brushed off. Too much time and you leave others out. Try a group…even there people get over looked. Do you pick a subject and say…this is the one I focus on for today, tomorrow, next week? I really do try to include all and visit those who appear to need a vist or a call. But, it really can become overwhelming. I then worry…o my gosh…did I not call that person enough, or did I overlook someone else in their time of need? The love you neighbor thing can get stressful! Not complaining, just trying to be faithful and do my best!
First off, don't underestimate that "surface love". It may be quick but it can run deep. After all the checker at the grocery store is going to be a little shocked and put off if you throw your arm around her and squeeze the way you'd do to your spouse. (Don't ask me how I know this!) But you can convey much of the same warmth and bonding by a smile, some patience, and a few nice words. She's not going to talk to you about her husband when you do that but when she gets home she's going to talk to her husband about you! That's how important a small gesture can be.
As for the rest, first understand that if everybody asked your question we'd be a lot better off! The trick is to ride that guilt without letting it master you...to go to bed at night knowing you've left things undone but to still be at peace because you also did plenty of wonderful things. That lets you get up with motivation to do better but also the confidence to follow through with the motivation.
Here's how I manage it for myself. First I understand and admit that I am going to fall short. Therefore I try not to pre-prioritize my day in order to avoid messing up. No matter how I organize my time and energy I'm going to end up missing someone, as you said. So I try to let go of my pre-conceptions about who I'm supposed to love. I try instead to be receptive to the people God sends me in each moment, trusting that he knows best. If a kid comes walking up to my door, there must be some reason. If I see a particular person at the store, get the odd urge to call someone that day, or happen to get reminded of someone by a seemingly random event I try to follow up. I don't let a moment with the person in front of me slip by while I'm worrying about all of the other people I should be seeing and loving.
This, by the way, also includes my own kids and family. Oddly enough God sends them into my life every day. There's a reason for that. I could literally be gone dawn to dusk visiting other people and not see my own family at all. It's OK to realize that God purposely sends certain people to see you more than others and to follow up on seeing/loving those people every day even though it means you may be overlooking someone else. Those aren't the only people you love, just the people you get to love most often.
I also realize I'm going to disappoint people sometimes this way when I miss them. I accept that I don't have infinite time or resources, nor is my vision perfect, nor is my system of "tend to the folks God sends you" perfect. I trust that other people will also love those people I miss...that the whole world doesn't depend on me alone. This is why having a supportive and loving church is far superior to having just a supportive and loving pastor.
I also apologize without reservation when I've missed someone. Plus I ask God's forgiveness for my shortcomings every week and allow his mercy and assurance to carry away some of the more harmful after-effects of that guilt. As I read it I realized that your entire paragraph could well serve as a confession. Most people absolve themselves of loving others by saying that they aren't really responsible for their neighbor like scripture says. Others use guilt over falling short in that task as a method of avoidance, throwing up their hands and saying, "I can't do it. I quit." The better way would be for all of us to admit exactly what you've said above every time we confess, asking God to give us strength but also for him to show us all the love he's giving to the world through others so that we might be inspired and feel better about the times we fall short of his loving ideal.
Keep those questions coming!
--Pastor Dave (pastordave@geneseelutheranparish.org)
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